He's 2!!!

Cameron is 2 today! I can't believe how fast time goes. He is such a fun kid to be around and even though he definately has an attitude as well. I'm just hoping we don't have another day where I spend time cleaning his crib wishing it was chocolate I was cleaning up. I'm not sure if I can handle that anymore!

Pregnancy Update

I thought I would just give a quick update. I am now 16 weeks (5 months if you prefer). I saw the doctor yesterday and the heartbeat is steady and strong. I have an ultrasound scheduled in 4 weeks on Nov. 3rd so that should be fun. Devin doesn't want to find out what it is, and I am in agreement so we probably won't know what we are having until the birth.

It is quite inconvenient to have to travel so far to see the doctor for 5 minutes! We left our house at 3:50am and got home at 6:15pm. We were so exhausted we put the kids to bed about 6:50pm and didn't hear a peep from any of them! We tried to stay up, but at 7:15pm we were ready to crash, so we did. Pretty pathetic! It was a long day, but we were able to get some needed groceries and we even got a few birthday presents for Contessa & Cameron plus a new carseat for Cameron. So all in all it went well. Of course, I was sick most of the day, so poor Devin had to deal with everything plus the kids pretty much on his own. He didn't complain though. He encouraged me to sit as often as possible which really helped.

So that is were we are at with this pregnancy. Everything seems to be going well so far.

Goals...

They say the key to goals is to write them down so that you can look at them and have something to work towards.  I think this has really been my problem with goals through out my life.  I dont write them down, and I dont let other people know them.  So I guess I'll try that here.

1.  Lose weight-I don't have any specific number in mind, but I know its alot.  My biggest problem has been a lack of motivation.  I went to my doctor a few months ago for a check up, hoping that would scare me into it.  Unfortunatly (or fortunatly), to use his words, I was "shockingly healther than I should be".  I was a little worried about by TSH as it was borderline low, and thyroid inactivity I learned runs on my mother's side, but I also don't want to commit to daily medication the rest of my life.

2.  Be a better father.  I know I'm not a bad father, I just don't feel like a good father.  I guess I'm spoiled in this regard.  My father was an incredible father, and my father in law is just as good.  Also, I had alot of good examples growing up in young mens.  I really am trying harder to become more involed in Tessa's and Collin's lives in paticular, as I don't feel I had the same type of relationship with them at the stage in life Cam is at when they were that age, and sometimes I feel like I might portray to them I like him more that I like them, which is not the case at all.  

3.  Become a happy person.  I know, this is not me at all.  I'm eternaly pessimistic, glass half empty, sarcastic, and sometimes just a plain a-hole.  I have a touch of manic depression.  Lately, my manic periods are getting shorter and my depressed periods are getting longer.  I tried SSRIs (antidepressents)  a couple of years back and felt worse being on them than being off of them, so I quit them.  For someone who works in the medical field, I am extremly distrustful of western medicine.  Pharmacuticles in this country are nothing but marketing hype instead of solutions most of the time.  But I think my biggest obstacle in this is I've been fighting it alone.  I think this is the closest to opening up I have ever been.  I like to keep my private things private, but sometimes, I think I have to give in and let others help every once and a while.

4.  I want to see every national park, at least in the Western US.  I not only want to do this for me, but for my kids.  I want them to see the wonders God has created.  I am ashamed to say, I grew up in Arizona and lived there for 25 years and I never saw the Grand Canyon untill a year ago.  And I only scratched the surface there.  I am within a day's drive of so many places, less than a few hours to a lot of them, and Great Basin NP is in my backyard.  I hope I will realize how miserable theme parks are and visit a NP or two instead.

5. Visit England again.  Most people don't know this, but when I got my mission call to England all those years ago, I hated it.  I thought there had to be a mistake.  I was supposed to go to South America.  I kinda kept my disappointment hid, because it seems like in LDS culture, to serve in Brittan is consitered a great achevement.  I even had people ask me how I managed to get to go there.  They thought I must have slipped a few Benjamins' in with my papers.  In fact, I almost consitered comming home twice.  Once when I was out after about two and a half months, and again at about 18 months.  But I thank God for understanding and inspired mission presidents who help me realized the importance of my work.  I learned to love the people and the country.  I still have a few quirky habits like occasionally saying distinctly British things and a love of Marmite, which I have almost every morning at work.  Ive even been told on occasion that I have a bit of a accent, which is funny, since its been almost 10 years, and I never really had a accent to begin with.  I also hope to once again find the level of spirituality I had then.

6.  Become a better husband.  I've got to give it to Amy.  She puts up with a lot of sh!t from me.  I sometimes wonder why she's stuck around.  I'm glad she has, as I couldn't afford a divorce at this point.  (Clarification-I know Ive been pretty serious this whole post, but this is the sarcastic side of me peeking out)  I'm a good provider of all things physical (at least I like to think I'm a good provider if you know what I mean!), but I have a lot to work on as far as emotional.  I think working on my own self esteem and self image will really help me out as far as this one goes.  When I can truly love myself, loving others will come naturally.

What I've realized in the last few paragraphs are 1.  I shouldn't blog after being up all night at work and working all the next day, and 2., well, I cant think of that right now, but I will at some point.  So anyways, post up a goal of two of yours and that way we can guilt each other into acheving our goals.